The Life of a Coffeesupestah

lately, i've been looking for Christian bands and Jars of Clay was the first one that i could think of. they were big during the 90's, when i didn't know they were a Christian band. anyway, here are their two songs on my current playlist:

"Unforgetful You"

I never minded calling You a King
If that meant that I could count on You
To give me everything
I never thought to ask You
I always thought You knew
It was never my intention to question You
You never minded calling me a child
Well, I guess that's how I acted all the while
But You live through every tantrum, You see through every lie
Though they seem to be more common
I just wanted You to know why oh why

Unforgetful You, unforgetful
Unforgetful You, so unforgetful

You never minded giving us the stars
Then showing us how blind and unaware of You we are
You painted me a picture and showed me how to see
Though I just won't behold it
Unless it pertains to me...

"Five Candles (You Were There)"

A promise or a dare
I would jump if I knew you'd catch me
Staring over the edge
I can't tell if you'll be here for me

I close my eyes and make a wish
Turn out the lights and take a breath
Pray that when the wick is burned
You would say that it's all about love

[Chorus:]

You were there when I needed you
You were there when the skies broke wide, wide open
You were there when I needed you
You were there when the skies broke wide, wide open

You were never here

I remember you said
Love was more than your good intentions
Empty boxes on the floor
Things I never asked you for
I pray that when the wick is burned
You would say that it's all about love

[Chorus]

I can't see the promise of
Excuses you fall upon
I pray to God not holding on
To things you've left undone

[Chorus x 2]

You were there when I
You were there when I
You were there when I needed you

i added this back to my playlist. sigh.

"Tell Me What We're Gonna Do Now"
(feat. Common)

Yes, we have arrived
Joss Stone
Uh huh
It's for the world world world world
Uh

[VERSE]
You don't have to make your mind up
I just wanna take my time with you
yeah
If that's alright, it's alright
Oh forgive me if I get too shy but
maybe you're the reason why, love
I'm feelin' butterflies

Somethin' bout the look in your eyes
Oooh it just makes me feel so right

[CHORUS]
When my mind's void
You're my joy
You're the dream when I sleep
And hey I'm for ya yeah I adore ya
you're everything
That I need
And I love how you love me
If I'm made for you
you're made for me
It's too good to be
So tell me what we're gonna do now
Yeah tell me what we're gonna do now
yeah yeah

[VERSE]
Funny how my world keeps spinnin'
sometimes you can be so silly
You know just how to make me laugh
Ooh, your skin is so lovely
It moves me when you touch me
I know that you got my back
It feels so safe when you hold me
It's already like you know me

When my mind's void
You're my joy
You're the dream when I sleep
And hey I'm for ya yeah I adore ya
you're everything that I need
I love how you love me
If I'm made for you
you're made for me
It's too good to be true
So tell me what we're gonna do now

[BRIDGE]
Oh right now
See baby I love how you make me smile
Don't leave please stay awhile
Let's make this happen
I don't care how

[Common]
Right now lets stay in the present
Can't worry bout tomorrow cause today is a blessin
The world in a state of aggression
I find calm in you
I see my mom in you
It's like a feelin' in ya stomach
when you want it so bad
If we keep keeping it fresh
it ain't gonna go bad
I've been through the valley of love
Rode through the shores of Cali
just to find peace of mind
Looking to the sky
asking for at least a sign
Beautiful you came at such a decent time
When we combine it's like good food and wine
Flavorful yet refined
You remind me of the divine
So easy
Love can be lost and then found, like Stevie
I just love having you around
you wearing the gown
I'm wearing the crown
pound for pound
we the freshest couple in town

[CHORUS]
When my mind's void
You're my joy
You're my dream
And hey I'm for ya yeah I adore ya
you're everything
And I love how you love me baby
I'm made for you oh
you're made for me

Ooh tell me what we're gonna do
Tell me what we're gonna do
Tell me what we're gonna do
Tell me what we're gonna do

so my trip won't be until next month, but i'm sooooo excited that i keep on planning for it. after this, i will go on a sudden trip, something that i didn't plan. like going to the airport and hoping there's a vacant seat and then go to Iloilo or Cebu.

but for now, my Cautious self is getting the best of me. my week of travel's already set. the next things for me to do will be to confirm my hotel reservations and read more stuff about the places i'm going to.

for the past few days, i've been reading on posts of Journeying James and i've been taking note of some of his tips. i've also used one of my notebooks (same notebook i gave to Derrick, different cover, mine has black hearts, his has a tree) as my official travel notebook. it's small, handy, but still looks nice, not too fancy.

i've chatted with one person living in Baguio and he promised to show me around when we both have time. well, i hope he's not some crazy axe-wielding murderer. i'm also making a list of possible places i will go to. in Baguio, Cafe by the Ruins got my attention for the food. i'm really hoping there's some poetry thing happening by the time i'm there. i just don't want this trip to be some run of the mill Baguio experience. i wanna try new things, see new places.

following the trio adventures tradition, i hope to do some sort of erm, ritual? in our Iba adventure, we let go of the guys that haunted us by releasing sand into the sea. that worked. maybe when i go to LU, i can do that again.

so now, armed with my little travel notebook, i'll continue planning this trip. i deserve this. i need this.

so i dreamt that i was with UP PMS peeps in a buffet. i kinda miss the whole crew. the guys/girls in my dream were Yogs, Sheils, Olive, Richie, Ivy '02, Esa and Ness. i guess i'm just excited to see some of them this Saturday, on Brian's wedding. and yeah, i have no speech yet.

after that scene, i saw Mrs. Guzman from HS. hmmm... i must be THAT excited to go to Baguio that i dreamt of my YMCA adviser in high school. that time, i was in the national assembly from sophomore to senior year. just one year away from a loyalty award. i could've already met Burn in those years, but we don't remember each other haha.

anyway, posting again later.

looking at my recent posts, clearly i'm not in the mood for recounting things that happened this weekend. i even forgot to blog about the Lala candy that Derrick gave me last Sunday before church. you see, when i was a kid, i used to buy LaLa from a very small store on Craig Street with my neighbors. it was only 25 centavos each, and we always partner it with the sago't gulaman that manang tindera would sometimes prepare in front of us. those were the days when my biggest problems were my grades. everything else was a breeze. and i want to go back to that feeling.

so i am planning this retreat today. and every day until i have my plans concrete. well, that's the cautious in me talking.

(before i continue, things to do: download Derrick's video again. check that volunteer link. read PDL. read the Hope pamphlet.)

i kinda want an adventure this time. the last trip that i planned was on my 26th birthday, i was still with my ex, Tom, then. but i only went to La Union that time. this trip is bigger. this is not just about me.

my original plan was to go to Baguio for the actual retreat, then La Union for the beach for two days, then to a secret province. unfortunately, when i checked the calendar of the retreat place, the only day available was on a Friday so i'll have things done in reverse. that secret province, La Union then Baguio. so on the first weekend, i will shop, then church the next day to pray for guidance and a safe trip. Monday and Tuesday, off to that secret province, LU on Wednesday then Baguio on Thursday and Friday. this emailing and checking rates that i'm doing is giving me a hard time. i'm thinking of going to Baguio with no reservations, since it's off peak, but LU might be a different thing. let me check again. yeah, it's peak season for September. argh.

so Baguio, i can try my luck. LU? no. gotta find a way to reserve a room. after Baguio though, i will go back to Manila for my tita's birthday.

i am so excited. now i have to think how much i have to spend.

Sunday, Derrick and i went to GT so i could scope out the place. it was also nice timing since Derrick needed to attend the small group meeting after we ate lunch. the place was nice. it was really cold outside, bigger than Regis. there was a good mix of people, as opposed to Regis where there were mostly young people attending service. i was kinda distracted when the band started to play because of a really cute vocalist. argh. test. thanks, Jesus, i think i almost failed this one. LOL. what's great was, when the minister started talking, i felt at home there, too. i finally said to myself this is what i needed.

a part of the sermon talked about Nehemiah, when he "sat down and wept" and that reminded me of one of my favorite books ever, By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept. there was that praying exercise again. this time, we had to pray for the Philippines and what we can do. everyone around us were praying. i felt weird. Derrick started praying. i was just quiet. after he finished, he asked me to say a prayer. i didn't know what to say. it took me a few seconds before i could say something, and when i did, i prayed. i remembered my high school teacher who taught us that we should start our prayers by thanking Him for what we consider as blessings. it was also part of the sermon that day. so i thanked Him for bringing me to this path. all of the other things that i said, i don't quite remember. and that only happens when i'm drunk. does this mean i actually got high when i prayed? i was almost teary eyed when i stopped talking. i finally let go. good thing it wasn't noticeable. i would've been really embarrassed.

after church, i tried calling Nikka but she wasn't answering her phone. i'm really concerned, but anyway. Derrick and i went to Chocolate Kiss to eat. i don't know how else to describe Chocolate Kiss. i have memories in college, even after college with this restaurant. Choc Kiss, as me and my friends refer to it, is a restaurant situated in the UP Bahay ng Alumni. it is a bit on the fancier side, but most UP peeps know it for its Devil's Food cake. it is a chocolate cake with marshmallowy frosting and chocolate filling. it has changed a lot. the cake is not that moist and the price is higher than, well, fine, TEN years ago. (sidebar, Mr. Big's ex came in 5 minutes after we did). we both ordered the chix in a basket, which i love. he got the devil's food cake, i got the yummier dayap cake.

i didn't tell Derrick that i almost shed a tear. LOL. we talked about the recent events in our lives. i told him about my week-long leave in September. he talked about the office trolls in his life. it really felt good to have one friend who has the same objective though. i don't have anyone else to talk to about church.

when Derrick went off to the small group meeting, i then moved to SM North to buy these: an 8G sd card for my Samsung, my goft for Bry's wedding, a polo for the wedding and a cheapo watch. after all that, i stopped by French Baker to eat a slice of pizza then went home. i was dead tired when i got home. i never got to read anything. even when Derrick and i were chatting later at night i was already falling asleep in between my responses. by midnight i woke up and asked the mahjongeras if they were up. well, Rye and i went to North park on Makati Ave, Wendy's then Jollibee for a food trip. hmmm: double pork rib noodles, side salad and jollibee spaghetti. i just took home the salad and gave it to my tita.

so lately, the mahjongeras haven't been hanging out that frequently since Burn changed his days off. last week was a blast, really, so while i was at work for my Friday shift, i asked them and our balasador, Gab, if they wanted to hang out after our shifts. they all said yes, but with Burn hinting that he's on a date. well, bros before hos dude.

i went home first, so i could take a shower. i was the first to arrive at Starbs 6750. yeah, i came first. Gab came a few minutes later, so did Rye. Burn was still MIA. we didn't know where to eat yet. i wanted some ChicBoy because of their lechon manok, but Rye wanted to go to Banapple. So first, we tried the Ayala Triangle, which didn't seem like a triangle to me, but Banapple was full. our other choices were not too good too. good thing there was a ChicBoy just at Insular. walking around Makati made me miss the place. it was like my own NYC. i never felt the same with QC. QC is like, New Jersey. when we arrived at ChicBoy, it was like heaven. not because of delightful reasons, but i think their exhaust was broken. the people manning the kitchen looked frantic being trapped inside. the dining area was like a room full of stoners lighting up at every table. well, that didn't stop us from eating. Burn followed at ChicBoy, and i got my lechon manok. i was the only one who was not wearing a v-neck short. darn it. so Burn just came from another wonderful date, and we were glad that he has moved on from the Vince episode. i was the only one clearly not moving on from my own drama. well, that's a different story. after finishing our food, we went to that bagnet place along Estrella. Oh. My. Lord. the place looked really small from the outside, but was homey on the inside. it was air conditioned, but i was really bugged my the insect electrocuting thing inside as it zapped mosquitos, which made me appreciate it later on because my arm was starting to itch. we got ensaladang talong, original bagnet and bagnet kare kare. oh my. pure gluttony. i loved it. i loved it so much i ordered some for the folks at home.

we did not get to talk about a lot of things today, but one thing was for sure. lately, my pattern has been getting in between guys in relationships.

All that i can do is to just look at you
I really wish you knew, that i fell in love with you

out of sight, out of mind
is something i don't believe in
for no matter how i try
your image keeps appearing

and if i never met you
i'd be free of inner strife
i wish i could forget you
and move on with my life

(unfinished...)

i have been exteremely behind in posting about PDL. last week was exhausting, both physically and emotionally. i have not, for the life of me, been able to blog about PDL because of some emotional turmoil that i went through and had had to deal with. retail therapy somehow worked, and talking to my good friends also helped.

Day 8 was about me being created for God's pleasure. the question was: What common task could start doing as if i were doing it directly for Jesus? hmmm... i think i should look at my job and make it a point of gratitude instead of something i just do everyday. i have been struggling at work. there are times when i just want to give up. it's not the people but the environment. i don't see people face to face anymore. sometimes i find it difficult to drive results from points of contact that just won't do what i ask them to do. and they're all far away. but this is what God had given me. this job went to someone else the first time i applied for it, and months later, i got it. for some reason, God must have planned it that way. i tried to leave for a couple of times, but i always end up staying. maybe i should see my job in a new light, and offer anything i do at work to Him.

Day 9: Since God knows what is best, in what areas of my life do i need to trust him more? everything. i have to put my trust in him for everything that i do. at this point, i am still partial about all that i'm reading. and that has to stop.

Day 10: What area of my life am i holding back from God? that has to be my sexual preference. i may end up sounding like a broken record, but this area of my life defines who i am. i still don't know what to do about it. a change of faith, is that equal to a change of heart? i don't know. if i had to change what i'm comfortable with for Him, then i will. but it will be my biggest challenge.

Day 11: What can i do to remind myself to think about God and talk to him more often throughout the day? every situation i am in is part of his plans for me. right now, i'm thinking about surviving a whole day at work without eating as part of my fasting. these are little sacrifices that i have to do for myself and i am asking Him to be with me at every step. imagine the two green tea muffins that i have beside my PC right now. i can smell it from my seat. i can imagine how the walnuts (my favorite) and the bread might taste like together, but i promised i wouldn't eat. so i won't.

Day 12: What practical choices do i have to make today to grow closer to God? surrounding myself with people who have the same objective would do. also, making time for Church. Sundays used to be the day when i rest from a night of drinking and merry making. that had to change. i want to hear more about Him to learn about Him. my reasoning that i have a personal relationship with God has gone stale because i clearly don;t understand Him that much on my own. soon, i might revert back to having that, but with better knowledge that i am getting from attending services of Victory and reading more stuff.

Day 13: Which is more pleasing to God right now, my private worship or my public worship? What will i do about this? i don't have any idea. being visible in public about my slowly increasing faith can be something He might be happy with. my private worship is simply thanking Him for anything that might not have happened in public. i am still in the process of writing down short prayers that i can live by everyday. it's like having my own, personalized book of prayers based on what i learn everyday.