The Life of a Coffeesupestah

okay, while i'm stuck here at home because Espana is flooded again, let me tell you what happened to me this weekend.

Saturday started out really boring. i was just at home in the afternoon, and my spirit was wandering outside the house. the weekend before was super crazy, and i was wanting to top that weekend. i posted a message on Path for Mike, rye and Burn. Mike was going to one of our Absolut friend's bday bash. Burn had work. Rye was sleeping. however, before midnight struck, Rye and i was able to meet up.

we met at KFC and i took that time to try the cheese top burger. that was a mistake. the cheese was dry and did not taste like cheese. the patty was like a downgraded version of the chicken mcnuggets. same texture, no taste. anyway, after that disappointment and trying to look for a place to eat, Rye and i decided to go to ChicBoy.

the place was full. we had to make sure we got a table since there were more people folks coming in. sidenote: there are hot waiters. but i won't dwell on that. i ordered the two-piece bbq and 1/2 of cebu lechon manok. Rye got the cebu whatever liempo. the pork bbq was not tasty. i just made sure that i enjoyed the lechon manok and the liempo. there was a band playing, but i didn't get to enjoy the songs this time. there were a lot of jammers who didn't really sing well. had i been drunk, i could've cheered for the. now i realize the false happiness alcohol brings. no way.

we had a bit of honest minutes while eating. talked about you-know-who. it's really difficult to be honest when not intoxicated. i felt that i had to, well, force myself to tell the truth. but isn't that what honesty is all about? telling the truth because you want to? anyway, i just told Rye about the "what if's" with #him. anyway.

after eating, we went to Green Coffee for a night cap. (wow. haha.) he got the shaken strawberry iced tea. i got the expensive milk tea. i asked Rye to taste my drink. the shop did not offer straws when serving this drink. i made the mistake of asking for one last Friday with Derrick, and i was told no. i guess it was to make sure that we tasted the cream cheese (?) topping but it was difficult to sip through that thick layer. Rye complained that he was just getting the cream part. i complained he shouldn't get all of it. LOL. after finishing our drinks, we went home.

once in the cab, the driver told us about the drunken Korean and his girl who were mugged by kids right in front of Green Coffee. i kinda remembered seeing that but i didn't know that wallets and phones were taken. kids huh. i wonder why the people around did not do anything knowing what was happening. it was sad. and the kids? where were the security guards and barangay tanods who should've been roaming the streets that night? were they all drunk too? anyway, paging Bgy. South Triangle folks. work it.

i got home around 3am i guess, just a few hours before church service.

i was groggy when i woke up. Derrick asked if i wanted to go to the PM service, but i remember talking about badminton with Rye that afternoon, so i told him we can go straight (LOL) to the 10am Regis service. the sermon was apt for me. it was about Nehemiah again, as part of the "Ako, Ikaw, Tayo' series about re-building a nation. one thing that i related to the most was being made fun of, or taunted for this change in faith. must be karma. i used to think being Born Again was just a tad bit too religious. i prolly can't come up with all the words i associated with being a Christian, and i am now given a dose of my own medicine. anyway, after the service, we attended the orientation for volunteers for the different ministries. Derrick and i joined comms and creative support. oh good Lord, i really don't know what i can do for the group. on the sign up sheet, i just wrote "Concept" with a smiley because i am not good at the video techie stuff.

after that, we had lunch at Peanut Butter Co with a few other folks. i tried the King Elvis sandwich paired with my usual spag but i didn't like it. it only had slices of bananas, peanut butter (of course) and a few strips of bacon. not satisfying. after we ate, we went straight to Red mango for the small group meeting. i did not receive a text from the guy who took my number last week, so BJ asked if i wanted to join their group. well, i agreed. i've heard nice things about the group and i had a friend there, so why not?

the small group was a like a discussion group. think book clubs that i used to host at work. the topic that day was related to the points raised at the service, just adding a few questions that everyone can answer. there were two questions: did we ever think about migration and what were our reasons for staying; and what can we do in our own fields to "rebuild" that part of our world. knowing me, i had a lot to say. i still struggled in talking in Filipino the whole time. argh. i should practice, you know. i'm just glad to be in a group that will surely help me get to the point that i want.

after that, i had to meet Rye for a badminton game. it was hard looking for a vacant court, and some courts were really expensive. but we decided to wait for a court where we saw Piolo Pascual play. putting my happiness for all the sweat i produced that day, we saw Piolo play. oh man. he was cute.

we then ate at Napoli. i was super hungry. we ordered the Chicken Cutlet (what else) and some pizza. after eating, it rained so we decided to go home. oh my. it was a tiring but happy day.

it has been a while since i talked about me. lately, all that i have blabbed about are my experiences, but never about me.

i think that i am changing.

a part of me is still the same, i am still that fat gay guy who laughs as hard as he can when there's something funny. or talks about whatever comes to my mind. but with a bit of censorship.

this new stance on faith that i'm working on has been the reason why. i think that for the longest time, i've told people that i have a personal relationship with God and that i believed in Him. but i was wrong. there are new things that i am learning since i started reading the Purpose Driven Life. am i a devout Christian? not yet. but i'm on my way. i wanted to start now without being fully ready because i had to start somewhere. if i kept on asking myself if i was ready, i will never be. i haven't blogged about what i've been reading for a long time because i believed that i needed this to be something that i did for myself. all of us will find our own time to take this same journey that i am in. but if there are passages that i see is fit for blogging, i will post it. hmmm... now that i'm thinking about it, i'll re-read some chapters and check what i can share here. i am on day 29 now. can you believe that? 11 more days... i started out as a skeptic but i feel that the book is growing on me. at times, i find myself talking to people about what i have learned from the book. the most interesting question i got was, if i had to abstain from sexual activities, will that not make me achieve my needs. i had to reply, "is temporary satisfaction more important than eternal salvation?" to which my friend replied, "what if there's no life after death?" i did not answer that question. it seemed that answering that question would put me back in the place where i was being objective about things instead of clinging on to my faith.

i have had a good life. i can not complain about any major mishaps in my life. i am at that point where i'm looking for inner strength, and i am turning to God for this. several people have their own beliefs and this is the route that i chose. while i see areas that i know will be roadblocks and know that there will be people who challenge this new belief, i choose to be here. i do not want to be one of those people who sin all week long and go to church on Sunday to purge themselves of sin. i think that is plain hypocrisy. while it is true that God will want us to be sorry for our sins, repetition is not the way to go. i still have dirty thoughts. i am not perfect. i will never be, i guess. but i have to fight this.

one chapter that i think i can share right now is day 27, which talks about fighting temptations. i have to stay away from things that would bring me to sin. immediately, i thought of places i shouldn't go to. O Bar. maybe Puerto Galera. the saddest part was thinking of the people i need to limit my relations with, but only for the meantime. when my faith is stronger, i will, but right now, i need to make sure i am not easily tempted to do anything i wouldn't want to.

hmmm... another thing that has changed is my will to travel. with my renewed love for my job and faith, i resolved to enjoy all the resources God has given me by traveling. this month will be the start of my explorer mode. not yet sure how this will go, but i would rather travel alone. no itinerary, all on my own time, but considering my work schedule and budget, of course. hopefully my Baguio trip will teach me some things about traveling.

my job? i have grown to not like it, but appreciate it. it may be one of the things that i'm really thankful for. i imagine leaving this job months ago, and thinking what would have happened next. i think i'm in a good place.

i have a lot of things going on in my mind right now. i wouldn't be sure what decision i will be making next, but i'm taking it all in stride.

last Monday i was off from work because of the Labor Day holiday in the states. i've been wanting to be off on a Monday so i can do things normal people would on their regular hours. fresh from my Sunday night sleep, i lingered around the living room to play with our new baby. around 10am, i decided to take a bath so i can go to the bank and deposit money to the accounts of the hotels i would be staying in on my vacation.

i have not deposited money for a long time and BPI kinda had a nice PC/system being used instead of the usual deposit slip. that would work better if there were instructions posted somewhere to let you know what to do. i had to ask one of the depositors what i had to do. so the tool would ask you what type of transaction you need, then when you choose deposit, it will ask for the account number, amount and then give you a number. this way, you won't make any mistakes with the account name, and that's good. i only had to wait for a few minutes (30, i think) and i was off home.

i planned on going to Comelec to register for next year's elections but i decided not to go since it's a Monday. instead, i went to Sm San Lazaro to buy a Cosmo mag and sandals i'd use for my trip this month. after that, i didn't go home right away. i spent time at Starbucks like any other pretentious person and read a book. i brought along my book Naked by David Sedaris and read the chapter c.og. which stood for child of God. i thought that it was perfect because the author kind of wrote about what his questions were about God and i found some similar to mine. it was a long chapter and i arrived home around dinner time.

the next day, i went to Comelec, which was just behind my tita's office. well, number one, it was a good thing i registered now, not closer to the deadline. there were only 5 of us at the time and even with just that number, i didn't feel any type of system at all. (oh, and i rode an fx going to city hall, the trip only costs 15 bucks so i paid for two. i can imagine how much i can save by riding fx cabs, but no.)

the uber-sensitive person that i was, i did not expect hotness that day. wheni went to the third floor, only the room was air-conditioned and ventilated. when i came in, no one asked me what i needed. everyone looked busy. there were no instructions posted anywhere. i had to ask. when someone finally talked to me, they first checked if my name had been previously registered. nope. so next i had to fill out a yellow form (new applicants) and photocopy my valid ID outside the building. number 1, the area where i had to sit down and fill out my form was not ventilated at all. it was humid. they could have bought fans for that area since they can afford to have two TVs on and a refrigerator inside the office. number 2, they didn't have their own photocopying machine. i only learned that i had to have my ID photocopied when i got there. the website did not mention that. so after going outside the building to photocopy my ID and filling out the form, someone looked for the precinct i should be in and gave me a strip of paper from the form. i then had my picture taken plus fingerprints. and i was done.

after that i went home and slept. i had a shift that day. hihi.

Obsessed with the trappings of sin
I walked the earth with a fake grin
I swam in oceans of hard liquor
I took pride in being a smoker

Whenever You called i turned away
And thought being alone was okay
But now i know it's You that i need
Lord God, from Your Word i will feed

Jaycee Pagdanganan
09/03/2012

yesterday, fresh from the natural high of Bry's wedding and winning 400 pesos from our short slot machine stint, i went to church.

Derrick and i went back to Regis. i was glad to attend service here again. although GT was nice, i still feel an affinity with Regis. the sermon was still about Nehemiah, as part of the "Ako, Ikaw, Tayo" series. it was all about rebuilding Jerusalem with everyone taking part in it. towards the end of the service, what i've been waiting for came. someone spoke about making a big decision 7 years ago to be a part of the ministry and i guess he had the task that day to seek for others who would follow suit. i have been thinking about it for days too, wanting to start my transformation. so when the speaker asked for folks to raise their hands, i raised mine. someone approached me right after the service, just like Derrick weeks ago. i have given my contact details, i just don't know which group i'm joining. am i excited? yes. i am still worried about a lot of stuff, but i hope everything turns out well.

after the service Derrick and i had late breakfast at KFC. he had to go to his small group so we separated ways after. i dropped by Fully Booked but didn't see anything i liked so i moved to CBTL. good thing i didn't go home right away because i had time to read the PDL chapters i haven't finished. yeah, i've been behind. would you believe i'm on Day 24??? in a few days i'll finish the book, right on time for my solo journey. while reading, i was tweeting. Noy was not doing anything, so he asked if i wanted to tag along looking for that ukay ukay that Yogs mentioned when we were at Bry's wedding.

around 2:30, Noy came. so glad he arrived early because i didn't want to be the guy with no more drinks still hanging around CBTL. i don't like that. all we knew was that the place was before McDo near FEU in Fairview but we got it wrong. yeah, McDo is everywhere. after walking around Regalado, Yogs called us to say it was in a different place. i kinda remembered Yogs mentioning FCM but i wasn't that sure. hmm. the whole experience was fun, albeit so hot. when we found the place, we knew it was the right one because we saw a group of gay guys getting in. score! we should've gone the day before, because ate said that there were already a lot of stuff bought by parokyanos. the place looked like any regular ukay ukay, it is called wagwagan by the way. there were rows of clothes hanging on aisles and big electric fans to lessen the heat inside. good Lord, there were Zara polos and lots of really good items. i felt like buying but i already had enough jackets and bags that i just let Noy do all the shopping. cheapskates will really enjoy the place. there were also shoes in very good condition that were priced below 1000 bucks. oh jeez, thank God for my willpower.

after that, we went straight to S&R so Noy can apply for membership. the place was packed! we forgot that it was a sweldo weekend. i tagged along because i missed the chicken and pizza. after Noy got his membership card, we went around to check the merchandise. then ate. Noy got a big ass slice of pizza and a really big slice of chicken for less than 200 bucks. i got a pepperoni pizza lang because i was buying a whole chicken for the house. anyway, while waiting for Noy's card, we saw other PMS alumni, Tads and Grace with their kids. oh em. that was nice! after eating (Noy didn't finish his food lol), we got the stuff we needed and went home.

when i arrived home, they had eaten dinner, but i knew they would not resist the S&R chicken. oh my, i've been talking about S&R to them for a while now. i'm glad they liked it.

so much for recaps. i'm off to the bank now to deposit money for my hotel reservations. see you later!

Yesterday was a happy day. It was the day Bry finally tied the knot. Bry and Jason had been together for a few years and decided last year to get married. In one of my recent posts, i met Bry and Jason along with Derrick after church service, which made me all the more excited for their wedding. There were PMS peeps who were invited that i rarely go out with nowadays so the excitement just went up a notch. A few days ago Bry asked me to say something, some sort of speech, and i still did not know what i had to say at the last minute. But we'll talk about that later.

I had work the previous night, so i had to go home right away after my shift. I might have slept around 6am but i was awakened a couple of times. When i finally got up at around 12 noon, i saw that my tita had ironed my new pink polo. It looked amazing to be exag. Lol. Seeing that it was hot, i decided to wear something else and just change at the venue.

It was scorching outside. It took me almost 300 bucks worth of cabfare to reach the place, which had great airconditioning, thank God. I finally wore my pink polo. The rest of the PMS peeps arrived later, with Noy coming in after Bry had already marched in. It was nice to see Sheils, Chris, Yogs, Andie and Noy again. Felt like the old times.

The ceremony was short. It was a Christian wedding, different from what i was used to. I didn't take that much pictures because Sheils brought a camera. And i was bad at taking pictures. It was the first time for me to see Bry's mom, dad and younger sister. So weird after knowing Bry for ten years.

After the ceremony, it was time for the speeches. Well, i tried to think of embarrassing moments, but chose not to do so. Instead, i just said how happy i was that Bry found somebody who was a perfect fit for her. In the end i came up with a last minute quip. "Contrary to what pop culture dictates that it is okay to find love in hopeless ways and places, Bry and Jason found love in God's grace." Kabouge!!! Hahaha.

Wheb i got back to our table, we started chit chatting about our lives. It was good to know that some of them still are funny. What i love about seeing old friends is remembering the old times. Like the first PMS gay couple na nagpa-siopao. PMS had a tradition that every new couple should treat the org to siopao. And yes the gay ones did too. Lol.

At times, they left te table to smoke. I was tempted to go with them, but i didn't. Even when we had to go after the party was over, they smoked before we left and i was the only one without a stick on hand. Good job to me.

Instead of going home right away though, an unidentified PMS friend and i decided to go to Resorts World and gamble. Well, i as lucky enough to win 2000 pesos. I tried other slot machines and lost, so i went home with only 400 left from my winnings. Not bad right? Now it can go to my bucket list. I don't think i'll do it again. I was wondering how much those people were spending just to stay there. Well, it was cold and comfy. There were free snacks and you can smoke and drink. Nah. Not my thing.

After leaving the casino area, we had some milk tea. Good Lord. I can't believe i'm actually liking milk tea. But wintermelon got me. Anyway. We went home after that. My friend dropped me off by Shang and when i got home, i received a call from my cheese friends. They asked me to go to Makati to drink, but i was too exhausted. Next time.

All in all, the day was fun. First time to give a speech at a friend's wedding. First time to win in a casino. Might be the last time too. First time to say no to a drinking spree. Wow. What a day!

i remember my lolo and lola asking me to sign several pictures when i was younger. i didn't have a "signature" signature back then but it is close to what i use now. i didn't quite understand why i had to go through all those stuff. i also remember my Nanay Lily bringing me to DFA, and passing by the Luneta Park with Nanay telling me it was some place that was important. the actual stay at DFA is still a blur for me. i remember long lines, but not how the place looked like. anywhere my Nanay or Tatay brought me was just a normal trip for me.

so i got my passport after all that, but i never left the country. there was a tug-of-war, no, pin pointing between my mom or dad on who should get me, but in the end no one did. all that talk almost stopped when i turned 18, but from time to time people will ask me "your parents are both not here, but you still haven't gone to the US?"

well, that's partly my fault. i never really wanted to leave anyway. back in the days when my Tatay and Nanay were still alive, i would have been really sad if i ended up leaving them. also, i figured, my mom and dad had their own families so i just let them be.

around three or four years ago, the folks at home were cleaning up the second floor common area and i found two suitcases that belonged to my mom. in one of the suitcases, that's where i saw my passport. i looked at my picture and cringed. argh. i had a very nice face before. now it's all scratches.

so anyway, lately, i have been asked by friends and family to get a passport. just this morning, a cousin was calling me like 200,000 times, to tell me about a plan to go somewhere. weeks ago, a friend also told me to get one. so i'm about to give in. it's going to suck now because i don't have my lolo or lola to take care of stuff for me. and i'm not a fan of documents, really. government documents? no, not my thing.

so soon after my Baguio/detox trip, i will start working on getting my passport. at the back of my mind, i still yearn to go to Spain and backpack across Europe on a solo journey so yes, this might be the perfect time to take care of my passport. the one document where i can't smile with my signature angle.

a few days ago, i was vibering with Derrick and we somehow touched the topic of the guys we had relationships with in the past. it made me think again of my boys, and how different they are from each other. what's funny is, i have a usual type: chinky eyes, fair, tall, a bit manly, hairy (face and chest); like what Romeo noticed when i checked out another guy at the office. but i only had one boyfriend who had all those physical qualities, TJ. even Mr. Big isn't a perfect match.

it made me realize that physical attraction may be the first thing that happens, but it's not the end-all and be-all. i admit that cuteness is a factor when i date guys, but if the conversation goes downhill, so does the chance of going on a second date. maybe having a trophy boyfriend isn't important anymore. earlier when i was with the trio, Bratty asked, what if in the middle of your Baguio journey you meet a boy? i answered, well, if it's the right time and he's a Christian, why not? it sounded funny, coming from me. but i guess it's true.

putting the looks aside, now it matters that he and i have the same faith. although we may be violating a lot of rules, i want to be in a God-centered relationship. i have thought of celibacy and man, it's hard. difficult. tough. but at this point, i am still more attracted to men. again, whatever the future holds, i'm okay with it. but right now, i still feel the same about men.

i guess it would be a plus factor if i went out with someone who more or less has the same interest as i do. although it is true that sometimes, opposites attract, i would beg to disagree. i would enjoy talking to somebody about the things that they do that i don't, but not when i'm in a relationship with that person.

there's no perfect man at the moment for me, but it surely won't hurt (yeah, sometimes it does) to search for him. unlike Charlotte in earlier seasons of SATC, i guess still have enough patience to wait. i'm still young. maybe i can complain when i'm 36. admittedly, there are also things that i need to improve on. i don't think that i'm the perfect prototype for anybody. but anyway, i can never tell. and in the hypnotic delivery of Enya, only time.

in true trio adventurers fashion, we are a riot everytime we are complete. today, i went to work early because i woke up early. good thing Bratty and Madam were still here. i didn't see them right away because they had lunch at the pantry. when they came back though, we were at it again.

on Saturday, i will be attending Bry's wedding, and the L&D folks planned a drinking session on the same day. if i still have time after the wedding, i might drop by since Kalayaan is in QC anyway, and it's easy to go home after. no. i won't be drinking nor smoking. i have stopped doing both.

so the three of us talked. or shouted at each other. LOL. i showed Madam the blog of Journeying James, just in case they would want to travel again. before i left work yesterday, i had left a note on Madam's PC that i wanted to go to Cebu, but on a budget. i know now that i can enjoy most adventures even when on a tight budget so i want to try that. after my September trip, before of after Christmas, my target is to visit Visayas. hopefully, the three of us are free then.

Bratty's baby won't be baptized until November. Madam is sorta kinda busy with her new boyps. and that was the topic of our convo.

Bratty said that he has always been married, i have always been single, and Madam is the only one who changed her status recently, thus spending more time with the boyps. Madam is arguing, "but you had a baby???" to which Bratty replied, "bakit nag-aya ka ba?" (did you ever ask us out?). Madam said the same thing she said to me "di naman kayo ma-o-OP e!" (you'll never feel out of place!) then Bratty acted out how Madam and Teddy are when together. oh, hanging out together is so fun. i just thought of a very cool couple name: Meddy. hahahaha! oh well, Teddy's hot, i must agree. but Madam, sissies before p****es! hahaha!

so far, i have gone to La Union on my own by taking a bus, but that was one way. so easy. this trip will bring me to three different places. please correct me if i'm wrong with what i researched. going to the secret province from Manila is easy because i've been there a couple of times. i am unsure how to travel from the secret province to La Union. although i'm sure there is a Victory Liner there, i'm not sure if the route will take me to the La Union resort that i chose. From La Union, it will be easier to go to Baguio. i saw that there are many buses that would go straight to Baguio. computing what i assumed to be the fares for all my bus rides, i have roughly 1500 bucks for transpo. fair enough.

now, i am not sure how long i'll stay at the secret province. i might not see anything that memorable anyway. i know some people there, but everything's commercial there. i'm still deciding on whether i'd spend two nights in the secret province or two nights in La Union. bah. anyway, for sure, i'll be in Baguio for two days. not yet sure what i'd do on the first day, but Friday is set for the yoga thing. i haven't been contacted or anything, but i'll go there LOL. for lodging, i may be spending 5000 bucks just for rent. i"m wishing for some type of discounts. wish ko lang. i guess that is okay until i know more and more about Baguio. it's one of my favorite cities, and i haven't gone there alone so i think this is the perfect time. my target next year is Cebu or Iloilo, but i don't want to be too lavish. i'm looking for more experience. i feel that getting away from the metro is a good way to relax myself.

if the hotels do not respond by tonight through email, i'll be calling them up tomorrow. then i'll focus on brian's wedding.