For today i'll be focusing on days 3 and 4.
Day 3 was about what's driving my life. What are the things that guide/control/direct my life? Here are the examples given by the book: guilt, resentment/anger, fear, materialism and need for approval. I'm guilty of a few. I fear being unable to provide for myself. I fear being left by my family and friends. I want a lot of stuff. I want to be seen as somebody who can afford to do and have a lot of things. I want people to approve of me. I want to please everybody. These are things that i thought were okay, because they're basic human impulses. But i guess i was wrong.
The things that drive me should be my purpose, my purpose in life. It's not my purpose to appear intelligent with what i say. It's not my purpose to amass wealth that will go away anyway. It's not my purpose to be with the coolest people because cool is not always beneficial.
What i like about this book is that i don't know what my purpose is yet, but in just the first few chapters, it has made me feel excited about what they are. This book is in itself a journey for me. In today's service i almost cried. But i held back my tears. Because i didn't want to be seen as weak. I didn't want to be consoled because that meant i needed another person's strength. Holding back my tears made me realize all the more that i was wrong. And this book, this book that i never even thought was something that i'd like, is making me feel more wring about myself.
The question for day 3 was: what would my family and friends say is the driving force in my life? I don't know what they would say. But it definitely will not be pretty. I have shown them how shallow and materialistic i am.
Day 4 was a bit shorter, focusing on our lives being set for eternity. The question was: what are the things that i need to stop and start doing? Wow, this feels like a coaching session. Hmmm... I have to stop obsessing about my status. I have to stop judging people. I need to act with more thought. Being blatant is not always right. I need to make God as the center of my life. My friends might shiver hearing me say that. But i'd rather be ridiculed than die without believing in something.