I think, exactly two years ago, i broke up with Tom. Or he broke up with me. And i've never had a relationship since.
Old blog posts have reminded me of how i was after that break up. I was jaded, cynical with a wall around me, according to a good friend. I had sexual encounters that made more damage than satisfaction. It sounds fun kidding about it. It does. But i'm tired.
I have made several attempts to find love, or chase after guys. Mr. Big, and some other guys. Nothing happened. Maybe i should stop waiting. Maybe this move to improve my faith is a good step. Maybe the relationship i need is with God. But at the back of my mind, i still crave for that human touch.
Two years. Two years of running around, becoming a slut for some time, what have i gotten myself into?
I need to fix myself. Detox. Get cleansed of dirt that cling to my soul.
I am still hopeful, though my brain is telling me to focus my energy somewhere else.
If God decides that i'm ready, then that's awesome. I just hope He'll find someone who can fill this void and never go away. Again.