"A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you a heart of flesh."
this couldn't have been a more perfect timing for me to read this passage.
after my linner (yeah, lunch + dinner) with BJ today, i realized i had put too much importance on the thought of people owing me things, like the truth, or loyalty, that i have forgotten that my heart is not about those things but love.
i remember my conversation with Mr. Big a year ago, when he told me i was becoming too jaded that i have put a wall around myself. keeping people that i needed in, and those that i despise out. maybe i have done that too much, that the wall has become too small to fit people in. and one day, the wall may only have my heart in it. a heart with stone walls and no one to care for. sad, isn't it?
right now, i could see a clear vision of those people i have shut out of my life and wonder how they are. some of them i have tried to reach out to with no response back, but i pray that one day God will just let our paths cross. it's not because i'm tired, but because maybe God is telling me this isn't the right time.
i have to push the walls as far back as i can, and hopefully tear it down in the end.
maybe my heart problems are part-clinical, part-spiritual. have you ever felt your heart being so heavy even if you know you've been eating the right food? have you told people you are happy, but you still can't sleep very well at night? have you ever turned your back on people and told them you don't care about them anymore but you end up wanting to talk to them again and say sorry?
i guess the first step to actually having a heart that works is to know what it is for. more than an organ that pumps blood throughout the body, it is where faith resides. our faith connects us with Him, and if faith cannot penetrate the heart, then He cannot be welcomed in.
a free heart is a healthy heart. forgiveness, humility, honesty, etc. these are things that break down the walls that do not let others in.
with this, i pray Father, that You slowly free my heart from sin, from pride and from lies. sin that move me away from you, pride that disconnects me from others and lies that hinder me from seeing the truth. Your truth. i pray for strength, for strong will, for guidance. i pray for the people around me to ask for the same things, and open their eyes to how much lighter our hearts would feel in a world with no resentment nor escapism.