"My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry."
recent events have proven that i have so much to improve on when it comes to my temper. no, i do not need anger management. it's just that certain situations have made me walk out on a lot of people.
so it's more like an outburst, but not violent. however, i have been known not to look back at the things i have already left. my ex-boyfriends are not my good friends now. i have a handful of ex-friends that i have not talked to for a long time.
if there's one thing that i disliked the most, it's finding out the lies behind things that i was previously told, that i believed to be the truth. i have this weird habit of remembering small things that people think i might forget. but i remember things, because i believed them to be true. and when i start putting the pieces together after realizing something was false, i start formulating questions in my mind. and with the frustration of not knowing the answers to those questions, i get angry. then i start to pull myself away.
can i listen? i think i should. a part of me says that i would want to hear the truth, but in reality, i don't. and maybe that's why i run away. i should start listening, no matter what disappointment the conversation may bring.
can i speak slowly? i guess my more important question is, can i judge slowly? i always say that i have no judgment on things, but i do. i may not talk about it, but i judge. and when i judge, what comes next is the decision whether i should keep my relations with that person.
can i get angry slowly? this is the hard part. i know myself. i know what makes me angry. how can i do it slowly? the 1-2-3 turtle does not work for me all the time. i have lost my hold on my fish philosophies. maybe it's time that i focused on those more. maybe they don't work because i still believe that i should always speak my mind and i should always be right.
i thought that change was an easy process. i thought everything would change once i prayed for it. but i shouldn't just pray for change once. it's not everyday that i am faced with situations that would test me on this. but i pray that God lets me remember James 1:19 whenever i have the urge to be angry. i don't want to reach the point when i have turned my back on everyone, and in the end realizing that i have nothing to go back to.